Nine Bittersweet Years

Oh, Mom…

I tried really hard not to pay today with the price of my tears. Then the weight of memory—and worse, the ache of what I could have shared with you the past nine years—came to rest upon my heart. Your absence still hurts as if it were the first day, when I could barely find the breath to figure out how to go on. Oh how I miss you.

If I can share one thing from the past nine years with you, it’s this: I listened. I remember every lesson you ever gave me, and I am a profoundly better person for it. I see life through your lens.

I am grateful for everything.

You gave me that. You gave me the riches of appreciation, and every day seems grander and more magnificent than the last. My heart would likely drown in the flood of joy if only you were here to share it all with me. Maybe that’s why you had to go.

I will forever think of you as my blessing…the greatest gift that any child, any little girl, could ever imagine. We will be kindred spirits always…a thief like death could never take that away from me…us.

But I confess that on days like January the 26th, I lose myself in the void of your absence…and I wish for any other reality to be true as long as I’m still somewhere with you.