Spending Report

After dinner conversation last night, my curiosity grew as to how I spent my money last year. Holding my breath, I downloaded the report and opened the local file this morning. Three things:

  1. Sophie leads a royal lifestyle.
  2. I am so happy that every Walgreen’s visit is classified as “HEALTHCARE”—lord only knows what the absence of yet another eye color compact would do to my delicate state.
  3. I’ve spent more on gas than on either Sophie or “HEALTHCARE”…which I can say, without embarrassing myself on either of the previous totals, is quite a lot.

I am actually very impressed by the completeness and organization of my bank’s spending report. The only problem is they don’t know how to classify checks—not that I write many. Goals for this year? Learn to teleport.

How’d she pick up MY problematic genes?

Sophie went back to the vet on Tuesday; her father took her. I was concerned about her long stretches of sneezing and a weeping eye that I first noticed Saturday. Sunday night, she went potty—first #1, then #2—in my closet. Monday morning, I called the vet to see if my fears were unfounded: nope, they wanted to see her.

Her eyes looked good (I keep thinking of her sister whose eye infection caused them to remove her eye when she was a kitten…so weird eye stuff with Soph freaks me out) and her sneezing has stopped. BUT, it just isn’t normal for cats to do their business just anywhere. Instinctively, cats look for soil or sand-like material to eliminate…shag carpeting does not so much meet the prompt.

So they did a urinalysis and found crystals. Feline cystitis has ruined our little kitty’s life. I gave the unopened bag of cat food that I had to a friend at work. (When I handed over the Iams Naturals she exclaimed, “My cats have never eaten so good!” and somewhere Sophie was weeping at her lost lifestyle…) I want to have a vet tell it to my face before I give away her precious Fancy Feast—she will be on low pH food the rest of her life. Dr. Larsen told us that her infection is very rare in a female feline.

She is on Hill’s Prescription Diet s/d for at least the next 1-3 months (at which point we would be able to switch to the over-the-counter version), but possibly forever. As I rearrange my budget to accept that I can probably live off on an English muffin a day, I am planning to call PetSmart (where I get an über low price) to see if Sophie’s clinic needs to fax over her prescription for a refill, or if I can walk in there with the copy they gave Nick on Tuesday. I will also call the vet today to see what I can give her for treats since she is used to getting them in the morning (it’s the only reason she gets me up at the most ungodly hours, but I enjoy her enthusiasm), and OTC treats are a no-go.

We read over her diagnosis and her new diet, Sophie sitting on the counter-stool next to Nick. He looked at her with sad eyes and said, “You know what this means, don’t you? No more potato chips.” And I swear, if she was any kind of a teenager she would have ran upstairs and slammed the door while screaming, “I HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!”

A Life Gone By:


I feel itchy.

They found roundworm in our cat’s poop.

Being that she has no outside exposure and that she can’t get five-inch worms in her intestines from sniffing air, I would say that she has had these suckers the entire time we’ve had her (I refuse to believe we have mice that she could have gotten them from). When I asked if this was possible considering that last year’s sample yielded no parasites, they replied that they only test a portion of the sample and that some worms are discriminatory-layers. In essence, it’s likely that they missed her nasty worminess.

They gave her the first deworming treatment and sent a second home to be administered in two weeks. I am so completely grossed out. They have me on the lookout for squirming poo, and I am wigging out. So seriously. Nick and I threw out all of her current litter. The instructions I found were to first scrub it out with bleach because bleach is toxic to ringworm larvae, and then the scrub away the bleach because bleach is toxic to cats. Then we scrubbed her bathroom. My eyebrows physically itch. Why my eyebrows? Good question. I feel like the psychologist from Miracle on 34th Street.

I don’t remember feeling quite this disturbed since we had to read How to Eat Fried Worms in fourth grade. Some describe the Antichrist as a horned demon with flaming nostrils—in my mind, he’s slimy and squirmy, and he should be fed to baby birds. I will spend the next weeks trying to overcome my revulsion and work up the courage to so much as touch my cat.

This makes me so gosh darn happy:

Madison, Wisconsin tops the national best teeth list.

Look, I know it’s no secret that I more than just a little obsessive about certain things. I grew up with my role model being someone who regularly marched to her car with a Q-tip, rubbing alcohol, and sheer determination and disinfect those dashboard crannies. I am not quite that way, much to Nick’s chagrin (“I thought when I started dating someone with OCD, the condo would always be spotless!”), but I have instead the compulsion to randomly wash my face, scrub my hands, and brush my teeth. Don’t worry, Nick. When you started dating someone with OCD, your significant other would always be clean!

I get picked on a lot for my obsession—but today I did manage to have a rather riveting conversation in the bathroom which I did not initiate, thank you very much. I had this conversation with the very acquaintance who stumbled upon me brushing my teeth one day and sneered, “Let me guess. You ate something and now you think your teeth are scummy.” A former cube neighbor, I know she sees me as competition: it is arguable whose collection of Purell is greater. She has a very sensitive nose and can often be found walking through our team asking who stinks. I always hold up my hands for vindication and she replies, “Oh, you smell like a hospital. Yuuummmy, clean hospital.” Curiously, I have no qualms with double-dippers or sharing toothbrushes (except with cats) and I am fond of eating with my hands.

The moral of the story? Madison’s got it right, and I’m still messed up. YAY!

Beware the Ides of March

Remember when she use to actually fit in her bed? Ah, they grow up so fast…

I am almost afraid to mention it, but I think Spring is well on its way. It has been over 40° most of the week, and after a winter season that seemed to start in October and during which we broke snowfall records from 1978, 40° feels just about like paradise. Finally I can look both ways without edging halfway into an intersection, and that stubborn icicle on the edge of the garage has bid us farewell. Good riddance.

My car said it was 50° when I got in after work. I rushed home to turn off the furnace and open the windows and the patio door. Immediately, Sophie scrambled to the edge of the now screened door. She sniffed excitedly at the smell of real air, so excited in the exercise that she began to sneeze, sniffed more, sneezed more, and then rolled to her back, stretching all four paws in opposite directions as if to say, “I love life!”

And then she sat up to clean her butt.

She has an appointment on Saturday, March 15th: her one year check up! She has no idea, as I can assume that she’s pays about as much attention to soothsayers as she does to me or Nick. She’s a cat: if it isn’t sparkley or jingly, why should she care? Though, I must say she always comes when called, even if she’s in the middle of doing her business downstairs where the litter box resides. She’s good like that—which is why Nick was alarmed Monday morning when she wasn’t underfoot and did not come to his call. I, slower to stir after that nasty bout of Daylight Savings Time, awoke to his frantic looking for your favorite cat and mine. We found her in the garage. Even though it was her own lousy fault for somehow sneaking out there, I felt incredibly guilty and bought her several toys and two beers.