Surgery. Tomorrow. That sneaked up on me. I had a post up earlier today...it had about an hour of air time before I took it down and decided it wasn't exactly what I want to say. Fear does funny things to you and makes funny thoughts come to the surface.

I've had the weirdest sensations today. I catch myself saying goodbye to my favorite blanket, brushing my fingertips over my lotions and perfumes, and looking back one last time as I step from the shower. And Nick...I'm going to miss my routine with Nick...I'm going to miss home. I've never missed home like that before. To the great disappointment of my parents who missed me, even college was no big deal. And, not to point out the obvious, but I had no qualms relocating 1200 miles when the opportunity arose. Not to say that I did not LOVE my childhood home, because I did. I also had no problem leaving my home in North Carolina for extended visits here. I don't feel like dissecting why that was just now.

But I seem to be happy here, truly happy at the core...and I don't want to leave, even if only for a week. I don't know, maybe I just don't like where I'm going...but then, my mother loved hospitals, just loved being admitted. I'm dreading my stay...I miss home already.