Please tell me that I'm not the only one in the free world ignorant on the subject of "gorp", neither its definition, part of speech, nor religious preference. Nick made trail mix the other day to snack on when we went to the Brewers game. He bought supplies for two batches...he and a friend, Jim (who, I've been advised, reads this site on occasion...HI JIM!) are mountain biking this weekend...in Boulder Junction! C'mon...you remember Boulder Junction...I was in the area last Fall.

Anyway, apparently they live on a blend of Chex Mix, mixed nuts, and peanut m&m's during their excursion. Nutrition abounds, naturally.

So I'm sitting at Nick's kitchen counter/breakfast bar area, writing out my June birthday cards. June's a toughie for me. An aunt, an uncle, a brother, a deceased grandfather, and a cousin...all born in June. Sure, the deceased grandfather would have saved me a card, but then I started dating another June-birthday'd individual. *sigh* Perhaps I need to start being pickier during my interview process for the position of "significant other".

But back to my story (You're safe for now, Nick...I've just broken you in. Too tired to start over at present...and I kinda like ya.). Nick is eating the remains of Sunday's batch in the other room, and he calls out softly, "I have a question for you, and I won't be angry with the answer, but did you go through and eat all the nuts in the gorp?"

Forgetting momentarily that I was just accused of being a nut-thief, I exclaimed in inquiry, "GORP!?" I stomped over to where he sat and looked into the trail mix container positioned on his lap. I saw peanuts and cashews aplenty. I complained heartily Saturday that there were only TWO Brazil nuts in the whole canister of mixed nuts...Brazil nuts being my favorite. Not that my stomach allows me to eat nuts, really, but I like to live on the edge now and then. God had my back on Sunday, allowing me a gluttony of only two Brazil nuts.

So, my mind going hand-over-hand to decide which issue to handle first, the meaning of this altogether disgusting-sounding word that seemingly applied to food, or this gross charge of wrongdoing. So what does Nick do while I'm sputtering...he calls Jim. Puts him on speaker phone. Asks him to define G-O-R-P...which of course he does without error. Nick tells him of my lacking gorp-knowledge. Jim wonders what kind of person Nick's dating. I sat in silence, glaring at Nick who I so desperately wanted to tackle or tickle senseless.

So anyway, it's late in the evening, and I remember the denouncement laid at my feet. In the still, I spat, "You know, if you'd been thinking clearly, you'd have realized that if I had picked through your trail mix, you'd be without peanut m&m's—the nuts would've been safe."

Nick, Nick Nick...I thought you knew me. I'm hurt.

By the way, the origins of GORP (God that sounds disgusting) place it as an acronym for "good old raisins and peanuts", "granola, oatmeal, raisins and peanuts", or just a derivative of the archaic gawp-up—a gluttonous display of enjoyment.

In conclusion, I pilfered nary a nut.