A little known fact for you all: I chew gum. Ok, ok...so maybe it isn't so little known. Regular chewers of the gum have their particular preferences, naturally. Mine has to be sugar-free, for example. It strikes me as counter-productive to tout a chewing gum as a breath freshener, all while containing an agent that aids in the rotting of teeth...and in case you didn't realize, rotting whatnots don't smell so very rosy.

But beyond the sugar-free-ness my gum must possess, there is the issue of flavor. I had my fling with the cinnamon flavor back in the lawlessness of my youth. Then my taste buds blanded, as they tend to do during the aging process, and the cinnamon began to sting. This lessened the enjoyment factor considerably, I was surprised to learn, and sought the cool refreshment of peppermint shortly thereafter the blanding.

And then there's the issue of brand. I began with Trident. I mean "Trident Sugar-Free Gum" glides from the tongue oh so naturally...how could it not be the opening foray into a spiral of gum-hewing addiction for the cavity conscious? The problem with Trident is, and always was, their packaging. You have to continuously tear at the wrapper for another piece...it's too much like work. Sometimes you just want gum that doesn't require dexterity, you know?

Well good news for you Trident-loving-klutzes: "Orbit cleans another dirty mouth!"

Orbit has such intelligent packaging! It's like a little envelope of breath-freshening-goodness. It's wildly thrilling, and I often shiver in anticipation when my current share of gum has grown stale. It's masterful, that Orbit packaging, and I find myself immersed in a nearly constant swoon. But, as my life often turns dramatic, why should my gum-consumption not follow suit?

I bought a pack of Trident yesterday afternoon—I had no choice. There was no Orbit in my checkout lane. TRIDENT SWITCHED TO AN ENEVELOPE DESIGN. Egads! Choice! You know I hate choice! The weapon of my demise! I have been granted a reprieve just this once, though...for the two gums are not equal. There is an obvious victor: Trident manages to squeeze an extra four pieces in their envelope. FOUR! That's like an extra hour or two of enjoyment right there.

But I've built an allegiance now to Orbit. I don't know if it will understand my drift over to Trident. It isn't as if I only used Orbit while playing hard-to-get with Trident, or at least that wasn't my intention there in the beginning....

My heart is simply, unmistakably, easily won. So, I will chew through my remaining stock of Orbit, and proceed to drive headlong into Trident's web of allure. This will be no mean feat, the Orbit-finishing, as my dear brother gave me a box chock-full of gum as part of my Christmas present...and God bless him, but he knew to buy Orbit. *sigh*