See, anybody can hit a moving vehicle in congested traffic. I mean anybody.

It's five in the morning. Suburbia sleeps. The street is wide enough to hold the Macy's parade. It is raining—and not freezing rain, mind you, but the wet kind. My steering wheel jerks from my hands unexpectedly: a split second without control, that's all it was...no mean feat at 20mph. Meanwhile, I collide with a parked SUV, the only vehicle curbed as far as the eye can see.

There you have it. My first traffic violation. EVER. Perfect driving record? DULL. Bulls-eye the only parked car in a mile? Masterful.