I watch very little television, as I have mentioned before. I think all the reality TV ruined it for me—and, come on, now that Friends has ended, what's the use of even turning the thing on nowadays?
But I do it anyway, as I climb onto a piece of cardio equipment and look for a mind numbing activity to make me forget that I'm exercising. If they could just bottle that after-exercise high, it would save me a lot of time and a lot of sweat both.
But television, television is what I am talking about today. The title is beginning to make sense now, isn't it?
At one point, I had myself convinced that I didn't like the interruption of commercials...and so I flipped around until I had an infomercial to watch. But, what is an infomercial but an extra-long commercial, an extra-long commercial that occasionally repeats?—and yet, they keep me successfully entertained through the monotony of an elliptical workout.
"Eureka!" says I, as I stumble upon a fundamental truth: commercials are where it's at! Perhaps the reason I dislike commercials is that they distract me from what should be the especially interesting program about Amelia Earhart on The History Channel, and that by the time that the commercials have given the floor back to the spotlighted material, I can't stop thinking about the new super-sized m&m's©. Yeah, yeah, the radio in her plane wasn't working, they crashed in the South Pacific—but seriously, the size of those m&m's©!
And have you seen the one about the lipstick!? This lady applies it from this little reflective tube, takes a sip of coffee and—! NONE OF IT COMES OFF! And from the way that finicky cat, Morris, licks his chops, those 9Lives© Tender Nibbles with Real Gravy look pretty darned tasty. I'm salivating from the thought.
You get more bang for your buck with commercials. Thirty seconds and you have a story from start to finish...none of that thirty minutes crap! In the time it takes me to learn that Amelia Earhart was an aviator who disappeared mysteriously in 1937, information I already knew, I could have watched one-hundred and twenty mini-episodes! One-hundred and twenty mini episodes that would teach me that you can wear midriff-baring tops if you just eat Kellogg's© Special K Cereal! I didn't know that, did you? Or that your car can get totaled, your dog can drop dead, and it can be raining—but it's still a good day if your house smells like Febreze©! Man, do I need to get some of that stuff!
I wonder what interesting things I'll learn today! Ciao!
