Come on: the swing of things—you've heard of it. I need to get back there, and I am starting my journey tomorrow when I "go back" to work. I am working the first two days from home to see how it goes. Then I will be in the office all day on Thursday and a half-day on Friday (my normal work schedule). I thought this would be a good transition to return to work, though I imagine I will be tired beyond words for the first couple of days. My poor brain isn't used to having to think for so many hours in a row, and my body has grown accustomed to my afternoon nap!


My total hysterectomy was four weeks ago tomorrow, and I have to say that the second half of my leave went a lot quicker than the first! Once I stopped fretting about work, I gave into the fatigue and slept the days away. I don't think I've ever been so tired in all my life. I am not even sure how to describe it. Sometimes my head feels like a bowling ball that my neck can no longer support. Really, my whole body feels weighed down at times, and my only defense is sleep.

While I know that this is my body's way of devoting as much energy as possible to healing, I'm absolutely dumbfounded by the exhaustion. When I saw my doctor last, she didn't seem alarmed at my listlessness at all. I continued to look to her for an answer when she gave none. She chuckled and exclaimed, "I removed an organ!"

My friend Becky and I split a CSA half-share through a program that delivers the produce to our office. She has been nice enough to deliver my half during my leave. She asked a couple of weeks ago how I've been spending my days since I was moving much easier than the week before. I gestured into the living room. "See the couch?"

As far as pelvic pain, I have none—huge victory! This was the one thought that reassured me and gave me hope in the last few days leading up to the surgery. For once, I was undergoing a procedure that came with guarantees. For once, we were treating the problem instead of the symptoms because…for once, I had a problem that could actually be fixed. I am not being sarcastic at all when I tell you that this thought was very exciting for both of us (me + Nick).

I admit that I am a little nervous as I think about resuming my normal schedule. I would have preferred that I felt more like myself by this point, but maybe I just need my old routine back to get me over the hump. Lord knows I miss getting out of the house every day!

I'd say it's time.

It may not look like much, but it took a lot of effort to get it. Let me back up a moment.

Throughout our relationship, I have had a big, brick-like camera to Nick's point-and-shoot. You really need both types of cameras because DSLRs do not fit so well in a pocket—at least not comfortably or without awkward stares. Luckily, my back problems manifest when I have weight pulling me backward (like a backpack), but something pulling me forward actually relieves the discomfort. I don't mind having a brick hanging around my neck, but it's not always the most convenient.

Nick has been the owner of a long line of Sony Cyber-Shots. He was pretty geeked out with the one he had when I met him, but managed to lose it after a trip to Minneapolis after we took his parents to a football game there in late 2007. For some reason, he didn't want to call the hotel to see if they found a camera. I bought him a newer model for Christmas that year.

THAT camera lasted a few years. He took it on every adventure, and it was on one of those that it died. I was back home, feverishly writing essays, when he went kayaking with our friend Jim in the summer of 2010. While taking pictures, a spider landed on him. From recollections, I understand that he screamed like a girl and threw the camera into the air…which then splashed into the creek. He was able to retrieve the camera, and the memory card was functional. The camera never powered up again.

Then he bought another Cyber-Shot that was supposedly waterproof. He was very traumatized by that spider you see, and he wanted to make sure his camera would be safe the next time one landed and made him get all wussy. That was the camera he used during our trip to Florida for our wedding and our first two days in Las Vegas last month (note to self, still need to talk about Las Vegas and THE CUTE ONE). I say the first two days, because on the third day he decided to test out that waterproofing. It was unsuccessful.

We were going to see Cirque du Soleil's Love that night. No cameras were allowed during the show or even our backstage tour, but we did want some pictures of the Mirage. I did not bring the Nikon with because I didn't want to risk being denied entrance to the show or having them confiscate it. On impulse, while I was still lounging by the pool, Nick bought a camera out of a Best Buy vending machine in the lobby of our hotel (MGM Grand). He bought it because it was a Sony and because it looked cool. It was completely inappropriate for our needs and took extremely low quality stills (see below). He resold it on Craigslist a few weeks ago.



Since Sony told us that it would cost more than $600 to fix the camera (when it didn't cost that much new), we knew we would be buying yet another brand new Sony camera. What is that now? Four? Five? In the same time that he has cycled through point-and-shoots, I have had exactly two DSLRs. Granted, the cost of one of my bricks warrants years of use. Plus, I only replaced my camera last year because my other camera needed some repairs, lacked certain functionality, and I needed a new lens…it doesn't hurt that I've always wanted a Nikon. But, you know.

Last week, Nick and I bought tickets to a pre-screening of Harry Potter. It was a charity event that included a reception, drinks, and a costume contest. Nick really wanted to have a little camera along for the ride. He scoured Madison looking for the camera he wanted but nothing was available. Last minute, we ordered it online with next day shipping.

The "next" day that it was supposed to arrive? Yeah, that was movie day. Nothing like cutting it close.

So close, in fact, that the package did not arrive that day. Understandably upset, Nick demanded that the company reverse the shipping charges. Which they did. Then they lost the shipment. Nick demanded that they fix the mess quickly. They sent another camera with next day Saturday delivery (which of course we didn't pay for).

So, we have the sparkly blue Cyber-Shot now (I was sick of black and silver, so I put my weight behind the blue). This one is supposedly waterproof too, but I don't think I'm going to let him test the waterproofness this time.



This one has a lot of neat features that try to replicate the depth of an SLR image. For example, it has a background de-focus function that takes two photographs in rapid succession. One of the images is blurred while the other is crisp. The two are then overlaid with the crisp foreground and blurred background. It's not perfect, but under the perfect conditions where depth is obvious, it's kind of neat (both the outcome and the logic).



How long will this one last?

As of today, it has been 16 days since I had a hysterectomy.

When my doctor first told me that I would be out four to six weeks, I was a bit skeptical that I would need so much time. I was expecting to strong-arm her into letting me return at two weeks…but she squashed the thought before it even formed fully: she would not let me return to work for a minimum of four weeks.

I'm no stranger to hospitals and both outpatient and inpatient procedures. I bounce back quickly from these things…my cousin thinks it's because I have a healthy lifestyle…I personally think it's the one tradeoff I was given for having so many things wrong with me! I was not allowed out of bed for the first 12 hours. As soon as my tubes and wires were all disconnected the next morning, I worked on getting out of bed and going for a shuffle down the corridor of my floor. Every pass by the nurse's station seemed to catch them by surprise, just as the nighttime staff had expressions of disbelief that I had absolutely no nausea from either the anesthetic or all the Percocet on an empty stomach. Like I said, it's a tradeoff.

They finally let me out later that afternoon, and I was excited to sleep a whole night through. I was mildly ill-tempered from the hourly vitals throughout the night. I've been hooked up to one of those automatic blood pressure cuffs before…I know it can be done without you disturbing me…grr.

The ride home was…painful. I swear that I felt every pea-sized pebble on the road. The seat belt was talented enough to hit all of my incisions with the waist and shoulder straps. Once I was home, I knew that I didn't care to leave again until the car was a lot less of a nightmare.

I spent the first night in the recliner, thinking that it would be easier to get up in the morning. I didn't sleep well. The second night, I slept on the couch, but I couldn't find a comfortable position there either. I wasn't excited to sleep in my own bed with Nick because I still felt every vibration like darts deep in my belly. I knew that I would be uncomfortable every time that he moved. Even so, I needed a good night's sleep, so I sucked it up, swallowed some pills, and finally slept the whole night through.

I've already posted this to Facebook, but I'm still humored by the pink, plush uterus my cousin gave me as a get well soon gift. Must share:



My surgery was laparoscopically-assisted. If you haven't had a laparoscopic surgery before, they basically pump carbon dioxide into your abdominal cavity to get a clear view of your organs. They fail to remove all of the CO₂, so some of it gets caught in the diaphragm and is quite uncomfortable. It's like you have a side-stich from running, but only you can't get rid of it. Since I was on so many depressants (opioids) at first, I was breathing shallowly and sleeping most of the time. My body did not get rid of the extra CO₂ very quickly. It wasn't until the weekend when I backed off on the pain medications that I noticed the pressure in my shoulder blades.

It's gone now. This was only my second procedure to use laparoscopy, but the other one was just as uncomfortable. I remember very keenly wishing for the long incisions. I've dealt with them before, and I don't mind the (what I describe as a) sting of incisions. To me, they're a lot more tolerable than that trapped gas!

A week ago, I had to pick up Sophie from the groomer. Nick dropped her off, knowing that she was over my weight limit. He gave me instructions to have the staff load her into the car for me and to open the door of her little kennel once I was home and the garage door was closed so she could get herself inside. Trying to placate him, I agreed to everything, knowing I wouldn't ask anyone to carry my cat for me. I would look like a total wuss! After I paid the bill, the groomer brought her out. I reached forward to grab the handle and she told me that she was given strict orders to load her in the car. "He said, 'She's going to think she can do it, but she's not supposed to.'"

I don't know if it's so good that Nick knows me so well. It definitely doesn't always work to my benefit. (He seems to be on to my dress-buying habits, and he's not happy. But he also bought me Paul McCartney tickets to cross something off on my bucket list…tradeoffs again.)

The majority of my surgery pain is gone now—at least it is when I follow doctor's orders to sit still and be a lump on a log. But it's hard. It's hard sitting on the couch and feeling normal, but not doing something with my time. When I do something, I don't feel so normal anymore. It's very frustrating. You Wisconsinites know: it took a long time for Summer to get here this year! Now that it's here, I'm stuck inside! I am surprised that little activities suck the life out of me, but I shouldn't be. When I talked to the surgeon before leaving the hospital, she cautioned me that just because I didn't have a long incision doesn't mean that it wasn't a major surgery.

It's now more than two weeks after surgery, but there's no way I could function for a full day at work yet. That was wishful thinking! I guess all those extra years at school gives doctors more insight than the rest of us…I guess.

I am happy with the preliminary outcome of the surgery, though. Gone are the sharp pains that stole my breath and made me afraid to go anywhere by myself that was too far away from home. The pathology reports came back Cancer-free, and I didn't realize how much of a weight that was on my shoulders until it lifted. I am doing very well; I just need to be patient!