So, I reformatted my laptop yesterday after a systematic shutting down of all things Microsoft seemed to hint that something wasn't quite right. Then again, I've been told that I read too much into things, so...

As I set to the tedious task of driver installation, I realized that I had no idea where to locate an ethernet cable. For years, I lived with them peeking from under cushions, cupboards, and even the occasional apple pie. We were techies, and had an abundance of such things. While a dumpster dined richly the night we loaded the U-Haul, I know that at least a few cables survived the elimination of clutter our possessions sustained.

The impossible variable of this equation would be a question of location. When one packs their possessions in one state, and doesn't unpack all of them in another, leaving many boxes at one location and only a few at the location of their residence, one manages to forget what went where. I'm being ambiguous, I know. Forgive my nebulousness, and let me clarify: I couldn't find an ethernet cable.

My only recourse was to carry my laptop to the antiquated lump known as my aunts' desktop computer. I yanked the tower from the messy armoire and viciously stole the line that led from the router. Let me add here that their cable modem is one of the finickiest, most persnickety objects of my acquaintance. Jostling of any kind sends the whole connection wonky, to say nothing of a sneeze or a pointed look. Needless to say, we tussled, that cable modem and me. My nostrils flared, its lights flashed fleetingly, and we squared off.

Eventually we both got our way: I turned waspish at his command, and he turned functional at mine...compromise really is the nourishment of life.

I connected to Windows Update, which irritated an already cantankerous demeanor as I had shotty display settings and a touchy touchpad with which to navigate. "What? I can't use your stupid update service until I install something? Hell, why not." Meanwhile, I downloaded Firefox, the Gmail notifier, and the Google toolbar. I kept toggling over to the other window, and marvelled over its dawdling. When finally a needed restart suggested progress, I laughed boisterously, maniacally.

The cats were duly freaked.

But, the restart didn't go so well. Why, you ask? Because I had played the lazy card and had encouraged my laptop to drain all of its battery while one power adapter resided in the next room and the other on another floor entirely. I ate two cookies and talked myself back from the ledge.

Up-and-running again, I told Windows Update to disregard all of the critical updates and just focus on those in the hardware category. I was in an uncomfortable position there, my laptop resting on the floor and my working at it with Schroeder-like posture.

Windows Update did not like this. They displayed pages in RED TEXT telling me that the CRITICAL updates were absolutely CRITICAL. You'd think the Bubonic Plague was back in town from its tone, and I was less than responsive. I was feeling rebellious and clicked on the "so what" button for the hardware updates to install. "Just let me use my wireless card already," I whined becomingly. Windows Update, soliciting a promise that I get around to the critical updates yet that day, played the song and dance of my choosing.

When finally the time came, after having had enough time to download EditPlus, NAV, and rebuild my Firefox extensions, I entered the network key and ripped the ethernet cable from its socket. Even knowing what would ensue, I reconnected it to the desktop, pushing the tower back into its cabinet, bumping the cable modem cables, and sending it into uproarious malfunction.

It was a damn fine day.

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On a Side note:
Typing "calc" into the command prompt now conjures the calculator. I find this more than adequate compensation.