From recent experience, I can confidently answer: A LOT.

We live in a fairly wooded area. Every morning for the past 6 weeks, we are startled awake by a beak jackhammering into a bit of tree trunk. It has a rhythm and resonance than can only be described as irritating. Being the appreciative sort, Miles and I throw our pillows atop our heads and wish it away.

You have to wonder where the joy in wood-pecking is derived, don't you? Or maybe the bird kingdom doesn't have the aversion to launching their heads toward solid material as does mankind. Or most of mankind...can't forget the inebriated!

I just read this: "Some species drum on trees to communicate to other woodpeckers and as a part of their courtship behavior." I imagine a swinging bachelor armed (winged) with a slew of really terrible jokes. Brings all new meaning to the cheesy reminder to laugh, knock on wood, I'd say. Do they ever bark up the wrong tree? That probably goes without saying....it's the hard-knock life.

Just yesterday, as Miles was talking about The Phantom of the Opera, I blurted, "Oh yeah! That reminds me! We need to pick up some more detergent!"

I think that I have a bit of a reputation for being scatterbrained...but it is not so. I think anyone with half a mind could see that laundry detergent was totally connected to The Phantom of the Opera. Andrew Lloyd Webber has, after all, collaborated with Tim Rice who has collaborated with Elton John who has done Disney soundtracks, as has Phil Collins who sang a song "True Colors" that used to be used in Cheer laundry detergent commercials. See what I mean? Totally obvious.

I came to live in North Carolina being utterly Southern-stupid. Sweet tea, fried pickles and collard greens...huh? I tried to be a good sport about trying new things, I really did...but everyone has their limits. I would never ask a human being that I actually cared for to eat lutefisk, after all—but some cultural intermingling can prove to be rather positive. (Miles has no problem gobbling up the lefse whenever a relative generously replenishes my stash.....hmph!)

My mother-in-law has long tried to bring the tradition of collard greens into our home. Miles has no like for them, and they look like water logged weeds. Of course, I love adding spinach to everything, but that's neither here nor there as everybody has at least heard of spinach. Months ago, his mother tried her skills of persuasion again. To our wrinkled noses, she sighed wearily...and Miles cleverly replied, "I prefer mine sleeved."

My Aunt Debbie, that is! She amply supplies her loved ones with affection, giddiness, and some of the best cooking on Earth. She reads this site daily.

She often e-mails me short comments in response to my entries, and they are usually so off-the-wall that my laughter is instant.

I got a kick out of today's odd-ball e-mail:

Oh oh save the pineapple juice for pina collotas! (I know it's spelled wrong but after a few of them who really cares)