I've considerably altered the balance in my father's life.

He is a man who enjoys a hard day of work, a good cup of coffee, the nightly news...all 3 showings, and sleep. He lacks a fundamental use for technology in his day-to-day, and he likes it that way. Oh, he uses power tools and whatnot, but he'd rather depend on his own brain than one of those flimsy oversized calculators they call computers.

He owns his own business and turns his well-organized, hand-written financial records into the accountant for taxes every year. He prides himself on his organization during tax season. Computers would just muck everything up.

He prepares his coffee by first boiling his water in a kettle, and then pouring it into a dented and dinged metal contraption that has been technologically modified to...hold ground coffee in a paper filter. He prepares the brew at night, microwaving it, cup by cup, in the morning. I try to cloak my mirth as we stumble out to the kitchen together—I, to my already steamy, coffeemaker timer's ability; he, to his cold crude oil. He pours this "Texas Tea"(as it were) and then stands at the microwave, nose pressed to the surface, as the cup twirls about inside. Meanwhile, I've finished 2 cups.

He refuses to use the coffeemaker. "It doesn't do it right."

He's wishy washy with the internet. If only you didn't need one of those new fangled keyboarded contraptions to use it! But even so, "No good can come of it."

I reply, "Well Dad, I met Miles while using the internet."

He sips his scalding sludge, his voice sounding sandpapery and strained as he admits a small point of defeat. "Well that's the ONLY good that's come of it."

And so, it is with a somewhat heavy heart that I shatter his Utopia, sully his morale, and otherwise tromp upon his spirit:

Congratulations on your new WIRELESS NETWORK, Dad!


(like you'll even see this, hah!)

UPDATE:

Dad just traipsed in here, flustered and hyper in his irritability—

"These microwaves are a waste of money! You'd think if you type in 120, it would have the decency to at least run for 2 minutes!"