I have decided that when I design my version of the game CLUE, I am going to add an apple slicer as a weapon. It was Colonel Mustard in the library with the APPLE SLICER! Solid gold.
As you might have deduced, I had a little mishap with an apple slicer a few weeks ago. I don't typically use apple slicers because I'm pretty content with how efficiently I can slice apples with a knife—and it seems like I waste a lot less apple that way, too. But I had a new apple slicer to try out, a freebie as a result of my Pampered Chef order.
It was about 15 minutes before I had to leave for work, and I was packing the last bit of our lunches. I pushed down with the slicer (which can be tricky for me because I don't have a lot of leverage with my height, or lack thereof). As is usually the case, I couldn't get the slicer all the way through the bottom skin. So, I did what I always do and flipped the apple over to push the stuck bits through metal.
And just like that, I cut my thumb. No, I don't feel like "cut" cuts it. I gashed my thumb…split it like a banana…I slaughtered the poor unsuspecting fool. Luckily it wasn't my favorite thumb, but still.
Like all my deep kitchen cuts of years gone by (I should really be restricted to light plastic sporks), it ached for a second, maybe two. Then, the bleeding started and would not stop. I sneered at the pathetic appendage, all but spitting, "And you thought you were least loved before!"
Nick, shaking his head while I muttered obscenities over the kitchen sink, brought down a box of bandages. I took a couple extra bandages with me to work, knowing I would need to change it at least once. I got to work, expecting shock, dismay, and outright anger that such an innocent device should do so much damage. I got none of that.
I got a bunch of snooty know-it-alls. "Oooh, you can't do that with Pampered Chef slicers! They're extra sharp!" Thanks, genius…I deduced as much on my own.
Nick has been jumping ahead of me for weeks now, making sure he gets to the apples before I do…and probably pondering the feasibility of an all-spork kitchen. Stupid, lesser loved thumb. You ruin everything.
