It's been just about three months now since my hysterectomy, and for the most part I feel great. I mean great. As in, I can't remember the last time I felt this good. Because of this monumental accomplishment, I don't dwell on some of the less desirable aftershocks of my surgery—but I don't have to be happy about 'em, either.

I've got a couple of decades left before I head into menopause. My surgeon had assured me that I would still feel like me after surgery, but a me without the pain. And yet, I started experiencing oddities shortly after coming home.

Suddenly, there are moments of unbearable heat that I am not equipped to handle—I've been cold all my life. (I like cold a whole lot better, by the way.) But I am most concerned with my face—I feel like I don't know myself anymore. My skin seems to change from day to day, and I don't know how to care for it . At a checkup with my regular physician, I mentioned my concerns when she asked how my recovery was going.

She nodded with a furrow in her brow and chose her words carefully. "Scientifically, you should not be experiencing any of this," she said. "But, I personally know several women who have had the same surgery, and they all experience menopausal symptoms after surgery. The good news is that they shouldn't last. It's just a shock to your system right now."

I am pretty sure that none of the many papers I had to sign before they put me under mentioned that I would come out of surgery as an adolescent…though admittedly, I was skimming a bit there by the last few pages.

So my doctor prescribed a topical antibiotic, and I think it's doing a really good job. It also is very drying: I never know what mood my skin is going to be in…like walking on eggshells, I tell you! Since there is no scientific reason for any of this, I have been scouring discussion boards looking for women who have been down this road and have shared the directions to the end.

A recurring suggestion was using petroleum jelly in conjunction with the medication. All said to lather up some of it with a mild soap like Cetaphil, get in the shower, and wash it off last. I did a little more research. Apparently petroleum jelly is a terrific facial moisturizer that does not clog pores. Worth a try.

I was completely unprepared to deal with the stubbornness of goop.

When the time came, I washed my face with more gentle soap to get the layer of stuff off my face. Strike one. I used a foam cleanser next. Strike two. I finally moved on to an exfoliating facial cleanser (thinking it was the strongest cleanser I had). Not only was that strike three, but all of the little exfoliating beads became embedded in the mesh of the jelly. What can you do at that point but laugh?

I desperately wished that we kept a squeegee in the shower.

Finally, I found a harsher body soap that at least broke up the bulk of the thick layer on my face (still leaving a faint water-repelling coat), but I pretty much wrote this idea off as a nice thought and nothing more. I know now that I will go through all of this again: the jelly made my skin so soft and downright friendly! I can't believe I am willing to repeat this scene…

Now, I just need to refine my process and figure out how to wash this stuff off my face without looking tarred and feathered by the end. I'm thinking industrial degreaser—they make a noncomedogenic version for sensitive skin, right?