The situation does not present itself often, but every now and then Nick gets home after I am in bed and long asleep. I wouldn't say that I am either a sound sleeper or a light sleeper…I'm just a…sleeper. Being middle-of-the-road as I am in this is probably a little frustrating to interpret—the extremes of anything are much easier to temper.
Nick tries to be a nice guy and keep all lights off, making as little noise as possible as he climbs the steps to head toward our bedroom. His efforts are not completely wasted: I do not wake up from such understated sensory stimulus. I do, however, wake up as soon as a strange man—who I know can't be my husband because my husband is not home—crawls into bed with me.
I jump out of my skin every. single. time.
This situation does not happen when I am the one to get in late. Nick is a very sound sleeper, and I'm pretty sure that I could practice my tambourine skills during the night without him ever knowing that I left the bed.
Obviously not a lot of logic goes into my gasping reaction, or I would take a moment to appreciate my would-be attacker's manners in stacking the decorative bed pillows from his side of the bed in a neat little tower in the corner. But, no. I wake up so suddenly that I think the suddenness of my consciousness is just as startling as what woke me in the first place. I gasp sharply, perhaps trying to inflate my lungs to get a good scream out, when it comes to me that I need to take it down a notch (or several notches). Simmer down now!
In the aftermath, I am wide awake and wired; Nick feels awful that he scared me. Something must change.
He went to a baseball game with a coworker the other day. I fully planned to be in bed by the time the game ended and he drove home from the stadium. I wished him goodnight that morning, and he promised me that he would turn on every light in the house and make as many crashing sounds as possible when he arrived home. His words may have seemed mean-spirited, but I find inconsiderate klutzes much easier to disregard than stealthy bed hoppers!
